Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Saturday, 14 March 2009
the world isn't against you. it just doesn't care.
I started this because I needed to vent. 'Hello Livejournal.' I'm sitting up at 6 fucking 50 on a saturday morning after barely sleeping. Okay. That's probably pushing it, and more to the truth would be to say that I never slept at all.
There's a reason behind this though. The last month has freaked the living shit out of me. I have 10000 words to write over the space of 4 weeks, give or take a handful of days. I have Easter holidays coming up which will be a (deserved) distraction, and I have uh, ten pounds exactly to my name to last me until:
a) Uni pays me my bursary,
b) I borrow some money off an assortment of local characters, or
c) I starve.
Weird though, that I'm more taken aback by the fact that I'm over half way through my last year of uni. In 5 months I won't live with Kim anymore. More to the point, in 5 months I have no fucking clue where I'm going to be living myself. Shittingbricks. I act confident as fuck that I know what I'm doing, but I definitely don't.
That all sits at the top of a whopping pile of uh, confusion. The Cambridge scene has turned to shit. Literally, I haven't been to a show here in 3 months? Friends are turning to acquaintances, who eventually drop like flies. I'm pretty sure it's something to do with everyone leaving town and trying to distance themselves from the fact that in about 4 months they are going to be on their way. Fuck, I haven't see Jen properly in what seems like forever? Kayleigh is the other side of the country right now? weird shit. I don't even know how to place half of these things...the last thing I want is to see myself distancing from everything.
Right now I need money, stability and some form of game plan. None of which come to mind at all.
instead, I have this.
There's a reason behind this though. The last month has freaked the living shit out of me. I have 10000 words to write over the space of 4 weeks, give or take a handful of days. I have Easter holidays coming up which will be a (deserved) distraction, and I have uh, ten pounds exactly to my name to last me until:
a) Uni pays me my bursary,
b) I borrow some money off an assortment of local characters, or
c) I starve.
Weird though, that I'm more taken aback by the fact that I'm over half way through my last year of uni. In 5 months I won't live with Kim anymore. More to the point, in 5 months I have no fucking clue where I'm going to be living myself. Shittingbricks. I act confident as fuck that I know what I'm doing, but I definitely don't.
That all sits at the top of a whopping pile of uh, confusion. The Cambridge scene has turned to shit. Literally, I haven't been to a show here in 3 months? Friends are turning to acquaintances, who eventually drop like flies. I'm pretty sure it's something to do with everyone leaving town and trying to distance themselves from the fact that in about 4 months they are going to be on their way. Fuck, I haven't see Jen properly in what seems like forever? Kayleigh is the other side of the country right now? weird shit. I don't even know how to place half of these things...the last thing I want is to see myself distancing from everything.
- Roz is due to give birth today. Holy shit.
- (NEW) band practise weds. 2nd time around, atheist-rock and roll-doom-core.
- Thanks to the past 2 months I am now an expert on the french riots of '68, situationism and taking down the bougeousie.
- I'm still totally obsessed with Daniel Flay. If anyone has any of his stuff they can send, uh, do it please?
Right now I need money, stability and some form of game plan. None of which come to mind at all.
instead, I have this.
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